i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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