if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Randomize
