I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
