Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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