Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
