I think my vagina is haunted
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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