I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Randomize
