I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
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