I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
