also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
