seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
