I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Randomize
