The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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