Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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