You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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