I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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