Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
They are going to name an STD after you.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
