If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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