so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
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