Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Randomize
