The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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