We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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