Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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