a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
