you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Randomize
