I only kidnapped one of them. chill
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
