We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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