too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
