ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
