Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
