bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
