Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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