dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
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