@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
it glows. i had to have it.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
