I met the friendliest cop last night
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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