Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
