i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
