Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Randomize
