i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
