you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Randomize
