Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Randomize
