WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
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