those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
