I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I am midnight drunk by noon
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
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