Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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