Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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