beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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