Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I will pee on everything he values.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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