i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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