You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
