Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Randomize
