WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
